Oh God, My Eyes! I've Gone Blind!

 

Talk about your buzzkill.  I guess if there was ever proof that the universe demanded that all good and amazing things be countered by something equally horrid and vile, this Jabba the Hutt Halloween costume is it.  After the pure and unadulterated beauty that was The Beatles: Rock Band game trailer, I was convinced that the universe was a perfect and happy place where only good things happened.  Then along came this costume to remind me that the universe is actually a dark and cold place where existence is harsh and beauty only comes in rare doses.

 

Behold the awfulness that is the Jabba The Hutt Supreme Edition Costume.  I can only assume that by supreme, they are referring to the level in which it sucks.  This thing is so ugly it can make grown men cry and children run screaming in terror.  If you've already pre-ordered this costume, please do me a favor and shoot yourself.  If you really spent $70.90 on this thing, you've proven to me that you don't deserve to live.  For god's sake, the damned thing doesn't even come with gloves!!!  Just look at how pathetic Jabba looks with normal human hands sticking out of his crappy plastic-skinned arm.  And don't even get me started on the face.  And how exactly does one move around in this thing?  Do you have to shuffle around all night?  Or hop?

 

That's not the worst thing though.  No, if this costume was just horribly ugly, that would be ok.  What truly has me worried is the knowledge that somewhere out there in this world there is a die hard Star Wars fan who is also a Furry . . . and that person is wetting themselves right now in excitement over this costume.  Soon, they'll be wearing their Jabba suit with a special little hole cut out in the crotch and then they're going to go to one of their frightening Furry parties and will commit dispicable acts while wearing the suit.  The good name of Jabba will forever be ruined, and now I'll never be able to see the character the same way again.  After getting a vivid mental image of Jabba fucking a Unicorn, there's just no going back.  Jabba is now officially dead to me. 

 

Thanks a lot Lucasfilm licensing department.  How this got approval to get made before the Tauntaun Sleeping Bag did is something I'll never understand.