This review is the first of a new regular feature that will be found here at Geek-tastic. It is called “Regular Guy” movie review for a reason. The purpose and aim of the review will be to focus on what a regular viewer like you and me might think of a film when they go to see it. I’m no film critic, and I don’t pretend to be. I couldn’t tell you the name of the type of camera angles that are used to give you certain shots. I don’t know how proper scene construction is done. I’ve never taken a bunch of film classes, and so I don’t know all of the technical theory or the history behind a lot of stuff.
What I do know though is how much fun films can be. I’ve always been a big movie guy, I’ve watched a ton of films in my life, and in that time I feel that I have at least formed a view of what I believe makes a film good or bad. So the purpose of my “Regular Guy” series will be to not focus on critical, nit-picky technical things, and focus overall on the grander scope of what an average viewer might think when they go to see a film. With that said, here we go. Be mindful that there will be spoilers in this review, so if you don't want anything possibly ruined, stop reading now!!!
Star Wars: Clone Wars
It should be pointed out before I begin that I am a huge Star Wars nerd. Star Wars was the first film I saw as a baby (I was three months old, if you don’t believe me just ask my parents) and I’ve grown up on a steady stream of Star Wars toys and books. So going to a new Star Wars movie is sort of like a religious experience, or at least, it used to be. The prequel trilogy did a lot to hurt my love of Star Wars. That’s not to say they were all bad, but they certainly did temper my expectations when going to see new Star Wars material.
Thus, going in to see the film, I already had very low expectations. I’d heard some really bad reviews, and I expected the film to suck horribly. It should be obvious to anyone when going into the film what the real purpose of the film is for Lucas. Upon buying my ticket I was handed a small fold-out poster that showed all of the available Clone Wars toys and merchandise that had been released with the film. The message this sends to the viewer is so blatant, I’m actually surprised I didn’t see ads during the film that said which characters had toys that could be bought at your local store for only $7.99.
From the first moment the movie starts, you know you aren’t about to see a regular Star Wars film. The movie was released by Warner Brothers, not Fox, so the traditional Fox fanfare is missing, and its absence is startling. Then the theme song hits, but it’s not the theme we know and love. They tweaked it so that while it is still recognizable, it’s definitely not what we’re accustomed to. And then there’s no text crawl. I didn’t actually expect there to be a text crawl, since I seriously doubted they were going to have one at the beginning of every episode of the TV series. But the choice of narrator leaves me scratching my head. As the film opens, we are brought up to speed by a narrator that seriously sounds like the narrator from the Powerpuff Girls. I was half expecting to hear him at the end of the film say, “And once again the day is saved by…The Jedi’s!”
Visually, the film really is pretty. I was really hoping to see some large scale trooper battles and starfighter combat, and the film definitely didn’t disappoint there. When looking at vehicles or clone troopers in combat, the film does come off as a top notch CG animated film. However, the chosen art style does have its flaws. The character models are a very stiff. Admittedly, Lucas said he was going for a 60’s style puppet show, like The Thunderbirds, so it makes sense that the characters appear like wooden marionettes and move like them too. But this really limits the characters ability to show emotion. Their faces were as wooden as the prequel actors who were acting in front of a big green screen. None of the emotion shown on their faces really stirs up any emotion from the audience. Add to that the fact that the character’s mouths don’t move perfectly with the dialog, and the whole thing just feels like you’re watching a badly dubbed anime show.
I think I may be a rare exception here, but other than the tarnished main theme, I actually liked the film’s music. It was definitely a departure from the original score of John Williams, but I have been getting sick of the Imperial March being used for every single bad guy out there. The themes of Williams are brilliant, but they’ve become a bit overused. I had no problem with new music being added to the Star Wars universe. It’s been badly needed and was, I think, one of the highlights of the movie.
Where the film really fails is the plot. As was the problem with the prequel films, the writing here is atrocious. Flat dialog mixed with hackneyed Star Wars catch phrases like “I can’t shake ‘em” make me seriously miss the days of entertaining bickering between Han and Leia. The relationship between Anakin and his new padawan Ahsoka has no real depth to it whatsoever. It felt so rushed and forced on us. They literally go from meeting to bickering like an old married couple in a matter of seconds. Near the end of the film Ahsoka says things like “He never listens to me” about Anakin and I’m left thinking “Wait, you only met like twelve hours ago. You don’t say stuff like that unless you’ve known someone for forever.” And her calling Anakin “Sky Guy” was so grating it just made me want to punch her in the face. Thank god though that Lucasfilm had the brains to bring Christopher Lee in to give voice to Count Dooku. Having him in the film made it more bearable to watch.
Then there’s Ziro. Ziro the Hutt is by far the worst fucking character in the history of the Star Wars universe. He’s so horribly bad that I can’t even properly express how much his presence taints the entire Star Wars franchise. To paraphrase Simon Pegg from Spaced, Ziro the Hutt makes Jar Jar binks look like fucking Shaft. He is the embodiment of everything that is wrong with Star Wars nowadays. An unfunny, unloveable character that serves no purpose but to be over the top in its stupidity. His voice is like something out of a nightmare. He’s a flamboyantly gay, purple Hutt who speaks like a southern belle. Dear god I wish I was making that up, but I'm not. I was actually waiting to hear him say the line “I’ve always depended on the kindness of Strangers”at some point during his scenes. Thankfully, it never happened. I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I say that every time he was on screen I wanted to carve out my own eyes with a spoon and shove sharpened pencils into my ears just so I wouldn’t have to see or hear him anymore. And what makes it even worse is the fact that his entire story arc could be cut out of the film. He isn’t needed. If the plot had kept the focus on how Dooku, on his own, was double crossing the Hutts, the story would have worked just fine. Including Ziro as a traitor to his family was entirely unnecessary.
What really bothered most as I left the film was the realization of its failed potential. The original Clone Wars animated series by Genndy Tartakovsky was a pearl of greatness in the vast sea of crappy Star Wars projects. It managed to be stylish, original, entertaining, funny and cool all at the same time. And at no time did it diminish the name of Star Wars, nor insult the viewer’s intelligence. It was enjoyable for both kids and adults alike. I know that a lot of people will point out that Lucas is specifically aiming this film at kids, and that I’m giving it too hard a time judging it by adult standards, and to those people I need to point out that just because you’re making something “for kids” means you have an excuse to make it crappy. It is entirely possible to make a good kids show that adults will find entertaining as well. Look at what Pixar has managed to do with their films. Look at shows like Avatar or the Animaniacs, or the Batman Animated Series. Those are all properties specifically aimed at kids, and that kids love, but which are written so well that adults love them too.
The Clone Wars does have a few choice moments though that redeem it a bit. For the first time since the original trilogy, we get to see a ship go into hyperspace from the point of view of someone in the cockpit of the ship. Lucas had intentionally left that shot out of the prequel films as he said he wanted to save that for the first time we see the Milennium Falcon jump to hyperspace in Episode IV. I respected that decision, and was happy to see them find other ways of showing ships going into and out of hyperspace in the prequels. So it was entirely unexpected to see that shot in the clone wars. But it's in there, about halfway through the film. It caught my by suprise. Seeing the stars blur into starlines as the ship Anakin was piloting jumped into hyperspace was so powerful that for just a few seconds I was taken out of myself and I was 8 years old again and watching Han and company jump away from Tattooine. It was glorious.
Also worthy of note is the clone troopers themselves. While figures with visible faces are a little stiff in the film, the masked troopers were awesome to watch. The ground battles, with lines of troopers fending off hordes of droids, are a sight to behold. This is where I feel the film really did a good job of capturing the Star Wars feel. The differences between how these battles looked when compared to the battle at the end of Episode II are very minimal indeed.
In the end, the Clone Wars movie is ok. It’s definitely the beginning of a TV series and not a movie. Taken on its own, at its best it is average. It’s a vaguely entertaining film that is worth watching in the theater’s only to see the large battles on the big screen. Otherwise, this could be enjoyed just fine on the TV screen. As a series beginner it does an ok job of setting up characters and plot to go forward with. Personally, I’m hoping the series will actually spend most of its time focusing on other characters than Anakin and Obi-wan. We know their story, we know how it is going to turn out. The main story arc has kind of become played out. If the series happens to focus more on side characters like other Jedi or specific squads of Clone troopers, then the show may actually become something truly amazing. As it is, it’s a forgettable Saturday morning kids cartoon.
Final Verdict: 2 stars out of 5
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