Ok, on first glance this new poster of Snake Eyes from the upcoming G.I. Joe movie doesn't look too bad. From the waist up he looks like a fairly accurate representation of the character millions of kids grew up loving. He's got gun in one hand, a sword in the other, a bandolier across his chest and he has the almost medieval looking visor over his face. That's how Snake Eyes is supposed to look.
But then as one scrolls down the photo, a glaring problem arises. Why . . . . . in the name of all that is holy . . . . . is Snake Eyes wearing Dockers!?!?!?!?!?
Really? Slacks? Since when did ninjas start wearing business casual? It looks ridiculous. Why couldn't the rest of the outfit be the same stuff that makes up his top half? Why oh why must you punish me so G.I. Joe movie? Why must you make me fear your very existence when I have longed to see a live action version of the cartoon show since I was six years old? Why do you have to suck so completely? Having Snake Eyes wearing dockers is a horrible idea. It would be like having Stormshadow wearing sneakers. Oh, wait!
That's right, in the movie Stormshadow WILL be wearing sneakers. Because of course everyone knows that evil ninjas never leave the house without wearing their favorite spair of tennis shoes.
What's really sad though is that at the same time I see insanity like this, the film also gives me a poster that looks really cool. Case in point, the new poster of The Baroness.
This is pretty much dead on how I had hoped to see the Baroness. Black leather clad, weilding dual guns, black hair flowing and wearing glasses. That's pretty much spot on. Why then, is this film seemingly capable of both delivering exactly what the fans want to see while at the same time crushing our hearts and souls with completly lunatic moves?
I greatly fear what this film will bring. You can bet I'll be bringing a box of tissues with me to the theater when I go to see this. If, when you're watching the film, you hear the sounds of a grown man crying behind you in the theater as his childhood is slowly raped before him, that'll be me. I'll try not to be too loud.
There were three other posters released which feature Duke, Scarlet and Ripcord, but I didn't really find anything post worthy about them because the posters show all of the Joes in the same featureless, Batman ripoff, black military suits. If you're really interested in checking them out, you can see them here, but they really are rather boring.
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