This Is Why I Stopped Reading Comics

 

A few years back, after a lot of thinking, I made the decision to stop reading 99% of all of the monthly comics I was reading at the time (the only one I still read monthly is KODT).  My reasons for stopping were various.  Money was a minor factor, sure.  I didn't like that I was paying an average of $2.99 per book, and I'd usually read the book in about 5 minutes, so a $30 trip to the comic store would present me with about an hour's worth of reading.  The price per entertainment ratio just wasn't right to me.

 

However, that's not the main reason I stopped reading.  I stopped reading because the stories themselves were becoming totally shit.  I blame one man alone for making me leave comics behind.  His name is J. Michael Straczynski.  His run on Spider-man destroyed that book and all of the characters in it for me.  He brought back Norman Osbourne from the dead, thus destroying Spider-man's greatest storyline (the death of Gwen Stacey).  And then, just to add insult to injury, he alters history and tells us that Norman had raped Gwen and she had gone to europe to give birth to his child before coming back to New York to be thrown off a bridge. 

 

No, I'm sorry.  That didn't happen.  Fuck you J. Michael Straczynski!  You're a hack writer who can't create an idea of your own, so you're forced to steal and alter the works of others.  And to quote Simon Pegg from Spaced, "Babylon 5 is a big pile of shit!!!"

 

Sorry, I got off on a bit of a tangent there for a minute.  Anyways, it was shit like that which made me quit comics.  The stories just weren't very good.  Having stopped reading most comics though doesn't mean that I haven't been keeping up with what's going on in comics.  And every now and then I'll pick up a trade paperback here or there and read some new stuff. 

 

I will freely admit that there are some awesome stories out there to be read.  The Walking Dead is a personal favorite of mine.  Because of books like that, I sometimes have moments where I consider getting back into comics more regularly.  I think, "Maybe it's time to go back into my local store and start picking up some monthly titles again." 

 

But then I read about shit like this:

 

Can it be true? Reed Richards pulled over for recklessly driving the Fantasticar and charged with a DUI? That's what the TRUE BELIEVERS claim in their latest blog—and they've posted the arrest report, police cam footage and a degrading mug-shot to prove it!

 

You have got to be fucking kidding me!  Reed Richards?  The leader of the Fantastic 4?  One of the smartest men in the marvel universe?  Pulled over for a DUI?  I'm sorry, but that's just fucking stupid.  Who wants to read a story about Reed Richards getting a DUI?  Why the hell would Marvel waste time and money creating a comic like this when they could instead make a story where Reed, you know, fights villains and stuff?

 

This is exactly why I stopped reading comics.  It's dumb shit like this that is a waste of time and money.  I don't get why Marvel is trying to make these kinds of stories that tries to relate their characters to real world things.  So Reed now has a DUI.  In the next issue is he going to have to go to Rehab with Paris Hilton and Britney Spears?  And then what's next after this?  Is Peter Parker going to be arrested for taking paparrazi photos of celebrities?  Will Black Cat have a sex tape released on the internet?  Will the Xavier institue ban smoking on the campus, and we'll have to watch as Wolerine has to walk off campus grounds to go smoke a cigar?

 

Maybe it's just me.  Maybe I'm an old man and I don't like what comics have become because I'm stuck in my old ways, but back in the day comics used to be about good guys fighting bad guys.  The books used to involve epic battles that destroyed buildings.  People got thrown through mountains.  Nowadays we have to read about heroes having marital problems, or drinking problems or other things like that.

 

Thank you Marvel Comics, for reminding me why I quit reading comics in the first place.  I'll still continue to follow the industry, and I'll still continue to pick and choose the occasional book I pick up.  But it's going to be a long, long time before I ever think about going back to reading monthly comics again.

 

UPDATE:  Wow, and I thought things couldn't get dumber than that, but I was wrong.  It looks like an upcoming issue of Spider-man is going to kill Flash Thompson.  Apparently he's a soldier in Iraq and he gets killed in action.  Wow, talk about lame pandering and a desperate attention for press coverage.  Marvel gets worse by the day I tell ya.