F**k You George Lucas!!!

There have been rumors floating around for a while now that George Lucas would once again be making tweaks and changes to the Star Wars films as part of their upcoming release on Blu-ray. While this news certainly didn't surprise me, or anyone else for that matter, it did certainly fill me with dread. Just exactly what would Lucas be changing this time? Would these be small, positive changes like what he did with adding background details like windows on Cloud City that made it look bigger and cooler, or would we have yet another debacle of "Han shot first" proportions?

The initial details that came down were actually pretty positive. It was revealed that Lucas would be replacing the god awful muppet version of Yoda from Episode One with an all CG version that would match how he looks in episodes 2 and 3. Now, I'm not a fan of CG characters at all, but I was ok with this because it made sense to me from a cinematic standpoint to have a character keep a consistent appearance throughout all three films. And let's be honest here, that version of Yoda in Episode One looks really horrible. Good riddance to it.

Today though, more details have emerged and they aren't pretty. It looks like Lucas has once again decided to run hog wild with his changes and has gone in and played with things that didn't need to be changed. The biggest, most egregious mistake in my personal opinion is the video above of Darth Vader first quietly saying "No" as he watches the Emperor attack Luke with force lightning and then yelling "NOOOOOOOOOOOO" as he throws the Emperor down into the heart of the Death Star.

I apologize in advance here, but I'm about to lose my mind. Please discontinue reading if you have problems with foul language, cursing, or colorful expletives.

I'm serious here.

Ok, here we go...

FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS!!!!! Why in god's name would you mar one of the most pivotal moments in the entire Star Wars saga?!?!?! This addition adds absolutely nothing to the film. In fact, it greatly weakens the scene altogether. The fact that Vader didn't speak in this scene is exactly what made it so incredibly powerful in the first place. By his not speaking, the viewer is forced to watch his expressionless mask and wonder what is going through his mind as he is watching his own son being tortured to death before him. When he comes to his decision, his body language and the way he holds himself changes. Even with the mask on, you can clearly see the emotions that are running through Vader as he is forced to make a decision. That expressionless mask actually expresses the turmoil the character is going through. It's an incredibly poignant piece of Cinema. Having him now yell "NOOOOOOOO" as he picks up Emperor Palpatine just cheapens the whole thing. It takes away from the powerful imagery and makes the whole scene goofy.

This is Darth Vader's big moment. It's his turning point from main villain and scourge of the galaxy to a redeemed hero. This is what 6 fucking films have been building up to. This is the moment that Anakin Skywalker lives up to the prophecies and brings balance to the force by destroying the Dark Side . . . and you've totally fucking ruined it George Lucas. I say it again, Fuck You sir! You have completely lost what little remaining respect I had for you as a filmmaker. Yes, when you were younger you were great. You had a talent for storytelling and myth building. Now though, you're a hack who doesn't understand the importance of story structure and when to let the audience decide things for themselves.

Dear god, this makes Greedo shooting first look like a scene from Citizen Kane.

Even if that was the only pointless, stupid change Lucas had made, I would already be angry enough, but no, there's more. Much more. How about that scene in Episode IV where Obi-Wan scares off the sand people by yelling like a Krayt Dragon. Yep, that's been changed too.

What the fuck is that? That sounds so stupid! What was wrong with the original noise he made? Why did this have to be changed? WHY, I fucking ask you! WHY!?!?!?!

Oh, and remember when R2-D2 hides from the Jawas in that rocky canyon? Yep, that's been changed too.

Lucas took the time to have some poor ILM staff digitally insert rocks into this scene? Really? Why? His little hiding place was fine before! And just how the fuck did R2-D2 get into that tiny cave in the first place? Obviously, he's too big to have gotten in there on his own. So, tell me George, how did he get in there? HOW!?!?!?!

Ok, here's one more. This one is a bit more subtle, but is still fucking pointless. I'll let you see if you can figure out what it is.

Did you catch it? Wicket has eyelids now! That's right, Ewoks now blink. Oh god that's sort of creepy. Again, why was this necessary? Has George Lucas secretly been bothered for almost 3o years now that Ewoks didn't blink? Was he so bothered by it that he again ordered some poor ILM staffers to go in and digitally insert blinking eyelids onto every single Ewok in the film? Was there some public unrest for the last three decades that these lovable little fuzz balls couldn't close their eyes? WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS? It's so completely unnecessary.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO glad that I wasn't already planning on buying the Blu-Ray releases of these films. I feel bad for any other Star Wars fan who shells out the $90 these things are going to cost too.

Be warned fellow fans, these are not the films you're looking for!

Until the day that Lucas decides to release the original, untouched films on Blu-Ray, I will not even be considering these versions to exist. I'm sure there will be more changes too, but at this point I've lost all desire to talk about this anymore. I'm too depressed. Is it really that hard to give the fans what they want? Why can't George get it through his thick fucking skull that we don't want any of this? We don't want fancy little CG add ons. All we want are the films we grew up watching, untouched from any of this modern revisionist crap.

You'll have to excuse me. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.