Fido. A Film About Your Very Own Pet Zombie

 

 

I'm really digging this trailer for a new zombie movie coming out called Fido.  Yeah, I know that zombie films are a dime a dozen nowadays, but this one has a couple of cool things going for it.

 

1.)  It's a zombie comedy, and aside from Shaun of the Dead and the upcoming Zombieland and a few other films, zombie comedies are usually few and far between. 

 

2.)  It takes place in the 1950's.  Most zombie films are modern affairs.  It's rare to see a period piece zombie film, and this film is just that.  It has that total 50's kitsh feel right down to the bright colors, the retro clothes and the stylized suburban neighborhood. 

 

3.)  It stars Carrie Anne Moss, whom you may recall as Trinity from The Matrix.  This may just be a personal thing with me, but Trinity wearing cool 50's dresses and bright red make up is super hot.  She's got an almost rockabilly look to her.  I love it.

 

 

Many thanks go out to my good friend and faithful Geek-tastic reader Billie Galvan for pointing this out to me.

Goodbye Reading Rainbow. You Will Be Missed

 

Some sad news today.  Last Friday, after 26 years on the air, the wonderful children's reading show Reading Rainbow has come to an end.  The show, hosted by the always awesome Levar Burton, has been getting kids interested in books and reading for a quarter of a century now and I am really sad to think that future generations won't have the show to inspire them to crack open a book.

 

Growing up, I clearly remember watching the show and loving some of the books they talked about.  I also remember the day I started watching Star Trek: The Next Generation and I thought, "Hey, the guy from Reading Rainbow is on the bridge of the Enterprise!  Cool!!!".  The show definitely had an impact on my life, much like I'm sure it did on a lot of kids from the last few generations.  It's been a staple of PBS programming and its a shame that it's finally meeting its end due to what appears to be simple budget cuts.

 

Why is it that whenever budgets must be cut, it's always the best stuff that goes first?  When states cut spending, it's always education that takes the first hit.  When TV networks cut spending, even stations like PBS, it's stuff like Reading Rainbow that unfortunately gets the ax.  It's a sad state of affairs, but it's one that happens all too often and in the end we are the ones who are left the worse off for it.  I hope that something comes along that is similar to Reading Rainbow that can get kids excited about reading.  Nothing can ever replace Reading Rainbow though.  Afterall, that show had one of the best opening theme songs ever, and it was pure television gold from that point all the way to the end of every episode.

 

Farewell Reading Rainbow, you will be missed.  But you've given us many great memories, and even greater geeky memories.  One of my personal favorite episodes ever was the time Levar took us on a tour of the set of Star Trek: TNG.

 

The Walt Disney Company Buys Marvel Comics

 

 

Yeah, just let that headline soak in for a second.  I'm not making this up.  This was the first news item I read as I got to work this morning, and it's still messing with my head.  The Walt Disney Company are now the owners of the entire Marvel Comics Universe.  Your friendly neighborhood Spider-man is now owned lock, stock and barrell by Mickey Mouse.  Don't believe me?  Check this out from the New York Times article about the sale:

 

Walt Disney Company said Monday it had agreed to buy Marvel Entertainment, the company that owns the rights to such popular characters as Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four, in a cash and stock deal it valued at $4 billion. The deal, which boards of directors at both companies have approved, comes more than 10 years after Marvel was at the center of a bitter takeover battle between two feisty financiers.

 

“We believe that adding Marvel to Disney’s unique portfolio of brands provides significant opportunities for long-term growth and value creation,” Robert A. Iger, Disney’s chief executive, said in a statement announcing the deal.

 

Wow, the Marvel Universe was worth $4 Billion?  Who knew?

 

Whether this sale is a good thing or a bad thing remains to be seen in my opinion.  On the one hand it could be no big deal if Disney stays hands off with Marvel and lets them operate as an independent company under their umbrella.  On the other hand, we could be in for some serious and scary changes.  We could start seeing Marvel merchandise popping up all over disneyland (ugh) and we could start seeing some rather scary Marvel/Disney crossovers like Punisher/Goofy or Mickey Mouse and the Avengers. 

 

Not all of these crossovers would be horrible though.  A Howard The Duck/Donald Duck comic featuring the two ducks drinking and floozing around would be hilarious.  I'm all for that!

 

In all seriousness though, my biggest concern isn't so much about what will happen to Marvel's comics, it's more about what will happen to Marvel's movie franchises.  One of the things that has made Marvel's movies so successful has been their ability to run their own show and produce films on their own.  DC Comics, on the other hand, is owned by Warner Brothers and has such a huge glut of corporate B.S. that it has to go through when trying to make a film that the end products either come out horrible or don't come out at all (like the Justice League film).

 

With Disney now owning Marvel, will they possibly step in and start causing problems on what is otherwise a smooth running movie making machine?  Will there be too many corporate cooks in the kitchen?  I sure hope not, but only time will tell.

 

One last major possible plus side though, the combining of Marvel and another Disney owned company . . . Pixar.  Just think how cool some Pixar animated films could be starring Marvel characters.  John Lasseter, the guy who runs Pixar, is an incredibly talented storyteller.  I would love to see what he could do with characters from the Marvel Universe if given the chance.

Second Chances & Summer Glau-y Goodness!

Summer Glau is on my geek girl crush list. I mean who didn't love River Tam kicking ass on Firefly and Serenity. Or Glau's performance as terminator Cameron sent to protect a teenage John Connor on The Sarah Connor Chronicles? Which is why when each of these shows were canceled way too soon you had to wonder how much of Summer Glau we would be seeing in the future. But, thankfully Glau is also on Joss Whedon's favorites list prompting him to cast her in the sophomore season of Dollhouse.


Now, many viewers have had a love/hate relationship with the show. Mainly because at the very beginning it wasn't very focused, the storyline wasn't interesting, and you didn't really give a crap about the characters. Yes, they were supposed to be dolls with no personality of their own that have other personalities downloaded into their psyche to please whatever the Dollhouse client's wishes might be, but they were also a bit too one-dimensional. No where did you find many of the philosophical questions that being able to implant someone's personality into a body brings up or the glimpses of the consequences such a technology would have on the future. That is until the second half of Season One where the story finally found it's voice.


Fox found it in their cold, show killing hearts to renew Dollhouse. And for those of us who actually saw the unaired season finale "Epitaph One", we were able to get a chance to see what Whedon's vision for the show actually was. It was mistake for Fox not to air this finale. It was perhaps the best episode of the young series. It changes the course of pretty much everything, but it gives a clue as to where the show is going and the future for these people is a very ugly place. Luckily it can be found on the Dollhouse season one box set.


Summer Glau's casting in Dollhouse is definitely good news. Hopefully, she will draw some new viewers and we didn't have to miss her for too long even though we wish TSCC was still on the air. Not too mention Alexis Denisof, of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel's Watcher-turned-rogue-demon-hunter fame, is joining the cast. Oh and we can't forget that Felicia Day will also be guest starring. Hopefully, with a more solid story line and some good casting Dollhouse can finally charm the viewers into a second chance and be the type of show that we all can't wait to see what happens on next week episode. I am hopeful and have pledged to stay until the bitter end. That is how much faith I have in Joss Whedon, so hopefully he won't let us down.


Dollhouse airs on FOX Fridays at 9-10pm. Season Two begins September 25, 2009.

-Xtina

Batman: Arkham Asylum

 

 

The Full Package

So this Tuesday was the release of this shiny piece of mama. The package itself is almost 2 feet in length. It comes with the batarang, which unfortunately is plastic. And it comes with "battle damage" but it really just looks scratched the hell up. It's actually pretty disappointing. But, it is removable from it's stand, so you can have your own Batman poses with a batarang, which no one from a distance will know the wiser.

 
And it comes with a journal of Arkham inmates, bound in faux leather. Now this was the better piece. It has a bio and picture of the major and some minor villains that are on Arkham. And the Harley Quinn design is the same as old, what we loved, design. And it's even implemented in the game, when you load up the character profile menu. Maybe there was a last minute change on her design? And same goes with the Scarecrow. I actually just beat the stage of Scarecrow and let me tell you, like the movie, he becomes way creepier once the gas gets in to you.


Collector's Edition also comes with redeemable challenge maps of Scarecrow "Dem Bones", which they had a commercial for, and "Crime Alley"
The storyline is written by Paul Dini and the game really flourishes with the original voice casting of Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill, that just completes the feel of the game. I highly recommend this game, but the Collector's Edition, is left to be desired unfortunately. You can really get by with the regular version.

 

Interestingly enough this game runs on the Unreal Engine, much like the First Persion Shooter of the same name. So even though it has run games like Gears Of War, Mass Effect & Rainbox Six: Vegas, this game really pull off exceptionally.

 

The fighting controls are simple at first, but after leveling Batman he starts to implement better, faster and more wind knocking combo finishers. Right now I am enjoying Silent Takedown where I hang from underneath a gargoyle. Sounds fucking awesome right?

 

When you "die" it starts you right back to the beginning of the area you died in, it's not a hard reset to where you last were, which is convenient. And the Game Over screens are sectional to who it was that defeated you. You fall in a trap left by the Joker, he's pops in and says something. I got beat by Bane... and he took Batman over his head then broke his back over his knee.

 

If you do decide to get the Collector's Edition and you can't decide on the PS3 or 360 (if you own both consoles) I recommend the PS3 solely because of the Joker's Challenge Map where you get to fight as the Joker, the 360 doesn't include that, or maybe not yet.

 

Either way, highly recommend game. And if you would like to get a closer look into the Collector's Edition, here's a "Unboxed" vid from the guys of http://gamesand.me of Batman: Arkham Asylum for the PS3 and Final Fantasy Dissidia.

My Post Avatar Sneek Peek Thoughts

 

As I mentioned before, I managed to get a ticket to go see the 15 minute preview for James Cameron's Avatar which is coming out in December.  Before I went, I told you how annoyed I was starting to get by the film and the capmaign they're pushing to make it sound like it'll be the greatest thing ever made.  While I said I was looking forward to the film, I had some rather strong concerns over the bits and pieces I had seen.

 

Well, I've seen 15 minutes of the film now and I've seen in on an IMAX screen and in 3D like the film is being intened to be seen.  And my thoughts?

 

It's definitely pretty, I'll give it that.  Of the select footage that was shown, once the characters are on the alien world and are running around the jungle, the film was absolutely gorgeous.  The CG is spectacular and the 3D does add a cool level of depth to the world being shown.  However, most of my original concerns about the film and its story still stand.

 

Nothing I saw in the footage shown has stopped me from being worried about the bland and generic story that the film revolves around.  None of the concepts shown seemed to strike me as completely original.  In fact, most of it looked like bits and pieces that were lifted off of other films and then were all smooshed together to make this one.  The marines look dead on like something out of Starship Troopers, the scenery like the floating islands and the flying creatures look a hell of a lot like they were taken from the animated film Delgo.  And the plot?

 

So a guy from one high tech, aggressive culture is introduced to a beautiful woman from another, more nature loving culture.  They spend time together, he falls in love with her, is accepted as a member of this new culture and then joins forces with them to do battle against the evil and agressive culture he used to be a part of.  Sound familiar yet?  Think either Kevin Costner or animated Disney movies from the 90's.  That's right.  That plot line is pretty much exactly what happened in Dances with Wolves and Disney's version of Pocahontas.  Hell, the blue alien the main character falls in love with in Avatar even looks like Pocahontas.

 

I'm sorry if I'm being really negative here, but this film has been talked up so heavily about being groundbreaking and original, and I'm just not seeing it.  Yes, the special effects are groundbreaking.  The motion capture of the actor's faces onto the alien bodies is really cool and the 3D IMAX stuff is incredibly impressive, but other than that nothing about this film is really jumping out at me or making me excited to see it.  I still think that the blue aliens look sort of freaky looking.  As good as the CG is, I'm still not sure if we have the technology yet to cross the uncanny valley just yet.  Animated near-people are always a little creepy looking, and these aliens are no different.

 

Also, at what point does a film stop being able to be considered a live-action film and just becomes an animated feature?  For at least 10 of the 15 minutes of footage I saw, there wasn't a single live action thing on the screen.  The actor's were CG'd aliens running around a CG world and being chased by a big ass CG monster.  Every single bit of it was animated.  I'm not saying this is a bad thing, I'm just genuinely curious.  To me, I felt that this was a CG movie with the occasional live actor included in it, much like old Disney films mixed animation and live-action. 

 

In the end, am I looking forward to seeing Avatar when it comes out on December 18th?  Yes, of course I am.  I'll be seeing it on IMAX in 3D, and chances are I'll really enjoy it.  I don't think it's going to be a bad film, I just think it's nothing we haven't really seen before in one form or another.  This time around though it has pretty special effects to go along with it.  I like big special effects films, so that's fine with me.  Just don't go spouting off about how Avatar is going to change filmmaking as we know it or will turn the genre of sci-fi on its head, because you know what, that's just not going to happen.

 

Avatar may be cool, but it's nothing mind blowing like The Matrix was when it first came out.

What If Neill Blomkamp Directed Everything?

One of the really annoying after effects of District 9 being so awesome is that since I've seen it I've been dreaming about how much better this summer's films would have been if only Neill Blomkamp had somehow been able to direct all of them. Transformers 2, Terminator: Salvation and GI Joe were so disappointing and District 9 was so amazing that it's no wonder I can't help but imagine how Mr. Blomkamp would have handled the rest of this summer's biggest releases. Would his low budget, high energy style have helped make GI Joe feel less campy and cheap? Would his abilities wih making special effects look real have helped make Terminator: Salvation's robots look cooler and more deadly? Would Transformers 2 have actually turned out to be a decent film?

 

Well, as I've been doing some research and trying to get more acquainted with Blomkamp's body of work (I'm a nerd, this is what I do), I've come across some cool youtube clips of stuff he has done which gives us a glimpse of how cool this summer would have been if it had been a 100% Blomkamp summer. Let's begin with Transformers 2.

 

One of my biggest personal complaints with TF2 (one of the thousands) is that Michael Bay's special effects are overly complicated and all of the robots in the film look the same. Seriosuly, during the big battles I can't tell one Transformer from another. The designs are too convoluted and overly detailed when they don't really have to be. The Transformers were fairly simple and elegant designs in the cartoons. Why couldn't they be more like that in the movie? Well, let's see what Neill Blomkamp would have done with the Transformers.

 



 

The majority of Blomkamp's prior work has been as a commercial director. This particular piece is something he did for the Citoren automobile to advertise one of their new vehicles. Is it just me, or does this commercial totally remind you of Jazz from the transformers. And do you notice how the robot actually still looks like the car it transformed from? Name me one Michael Bay robot that can claim the same thing. That's right, you can't. Now just imagine an entire film populated with sleek and simple robot designs like this one. Not only would you be able to tell the robots apart, but it would actually look and feel like you're watching a live-action version of the original series.

 

Ok, admittedly mocking a Michael Bay film is easier than pointing out how the Star Wars prequels are inferior to the original Star Wars trilogy. To be fair, let's look at another item. This is another commercial Blomkamp did for a robotics company.

 



 

I don't know about you, but as I watched that I couldn't help but think of how much cooler a film like Terminator: Salvation would have been with Blomkamp at the helm. Even with a low commercial sized budget, the special effects of the robot look amazing. Just imagine what this guy could accomplish with a blockbuster sized movie budget. It would be beautiful.

 

Another film I couldn't help but think of as I watched the above video . . . Robocop. Just imagine how cool a Robocop film would be if it dealt with the gritty street level crime a cyborg cop would find himself up against like we see in this video. Robocop is currently getting its own reboot, but sadly Blomkamp isn't directing it. If he did, I bet it would be even more awesome than this clip was.

 

Ok, finally, let's look at one more thing. What really made District 9 so great was its uniqueness. It was something entirely new that we'd never seen before. It wasn't a remake or reboot. It wasn't a sequel to something. It was a brand new property. Neill Blomkamp isn't just a good director, he's also a capable writer, and District 9 isn't the only thing he can do. This last video is a short film he did called Yellow, which is yet another original story idea he has written.

 



 

Artificial intelligence running off and hiding from humans? The robot's makers trying to hunt the unit down and getting their ass kicked by it? Yes please! Can I see more now? Why isn't this a film already? This is another sci-fi franchise just waiting to begin. Sure, it has heavy shades of Blade Runner in it, but it's still a new story that isn't based on adapted material. That's still a rarity these days. I'd definitely go see this if it was in theaters.

Strong Bad is Still Checking his Emails...

 



 

 

In his most recent email response, Strong Bad explains independent films.  Note that he has a new computer with a flat-screen monitor.   If you haven't been keeping up with Strong Bad, this is a great reminder of how genius some of his rants are.  And if you've never watched, you are in for a treat.   

 

 



 

Click to watch: Independent 

Link to past SB Emails: Email Menu

Ugly Dolls: Long Distance Nerd Love

 

I have loved Ugly Dolls since I saw Ice Bat for the first time.  He was wandering the Comic Con floor in 2006.  Looking at him made me happy-- his excited bounce, big, white eyes, his stubby little wings-- he was adorable and silly.  Like most other girls, I have a weakness for cute creatures. 

 

But now I have a whole new reason to like these stuffed animal monsters-- they are a product of long distance nerd love.  David Horvath and Sun-Min Kim, college sweethearts, used "ugly" drawings to keep in touch after they graduated from a NY design school and Horvath moved home to California and Kim went back to South Korea.   "Horvath signed his letters to Kim with a drawing of a little monster wearing an apron. They named him Wage. It was his way of telling her he'd work hard to bring her back to the United States."

 

Later, Kim stitched the first ugly doll based on the drawings as a Christmas present for her long distance beau.  Now the two are married with a daughter and a multi-million dollar company.  However, despite their success, the two prefer to keep their Ice Bats, Wages, and Babos in independantly owned stores.  Check out the full story in the LA Times. 

 

Remember, long distance relationships can work-- you just need geeky little plush creatures to say your i-love-yous.

The GT Podcast: Episode 07 - The 2009 SD Comic Con Wrap Up

 

Hey there folks.  I know it's been a while since our last podcast, but we've finally got a brand new episode for you to enjoy.  Be sure to check it out.

 

 

You can stream the podcast by clicking HERE.

 

OR

 

You can download an MP3 copy of the podcast by clicking HERE.

 

 

This episode of the podcast is all about the 2009 San Diego Comic Con.  It consists of three interviews with three individuals who had very different experiences of the convention.  To start things off, we are joined by a newcomer to the podcast named Christina Castillo.  She's a Comic Con veteran who shares with us what cool panels she went to as well as what cool stuff she found on the floor of the exhibit hall.  Next, we're joined once again by Mr. Ned Cato Jr. for a look behind the scenes of the Convention.  Ned has worked for the convention for almost 20 years and he shares with us some of his stories of his time as a Con employee.  Finally, we're joined  by Matt Jeffrey who is both a Con veteran as well as a volunteer who participates on the monthly meetings that go year round and which help organize and put together the con.  He shares with us his views of the Con both as an attendee and an employee of the event.

 

If you'd like to skip around to hear any one interview specifically, here's the start times for each:

 

• Christina's interview begins at the 2 minute mark.


• Ned's interview begins at the 25 minute and 45 second mark.


• Matt's interview begins at the 55 minute and 26 second mark.

 

There isn't really much in the line of show notes this time around since most of the stuff we talk about is what happened at the con.  I figure you guys are all talented enough to Google for any TV shows or movies we mention in the interviews, right?  Yeah, you're good.  I have faith in your internet savy ways.

Clone Wars Season 2 May Actually Feel More Like Star Wars

 

 

I know, I don't believe it either.

 

Ok, to be fair I really did like season one of the Clone Wars series overall.  Admittedly, it was a little hit or miss at times with some truly horrible episodes sprinkled in here or there (example: any episode with Jar Jar in it for more than five seconds).  I must say though that the series also had some true gems hidden in it as well.  The Kit Fisto episode where he invades General Grevious' lair was amazing, and the three part series near the end of the season which featured Mace Windu leading an attack to liberate the planet of Ryloth was downright awesome.

 

While the bitter and jaded nerd that I am can and always will find something to complain about, I will admit that I am happier that the show has been made at all more than I am ashamed of it's bad moment.  With that said, let me then say that it is with much hope that I look forward to the second season of Clone Wars in hopes that we'll see more of the good stuff and less of the bad.  If this new trailer is anything to go off of, that may just be what we're getting too.

 

If this trailer is indicative of what we have in store this season, it looks like the show is undergoing a bit of a shift in storytelling and style.  It looks a bit darker, a bit more violent, a bit more like . . . classic Star Wars.  If this is true, then I'm going to be a very happy man.  Even Obi-wan's and Anakin's friendly banter seems like it's feeling more like Episode IV than Episode II.  My theory is that as the show goes on, Lucas himself has less and less direct involvement in the stories and scripts of the episodes, therefore they're bound to get better as time goes by.  Let's just hope I'm right.  In the right hands, Star Wars still has the power to be an incredible storytelling vehicle.  We've just learned by now that those hands don't belong to George Lucas anymore.

 

Also, it's about damn time that Obi-wan Kenobi gets a love interest!!!

The Walking Dead Comic Series Is Coming To A TV Near You

 

I only have two words for this . . . Funk Yeah!!!

 

Ok, I lied, I have a lot of words about this little development, and all of them are positive.  I've mentioned here before that I stopped reading comics a few years ago.  While in a "going to the comic shop every wednesday to buy new issues" sense that is true, it doesn't mean that I never read comics ever.  I do make a few exceptions here and there, and usually only in trade paperback form.

 

One of those few exceptions is Robert Kirkman's Walking Dead series.  I'm a big lover of all things zombie, as I'm sure you well know by now, so believe me when I tell you that Walking Dead is the single best zombie story of the last 20 years or so.  Yes, even better than Shaun of the Dead.

 

What makes it so great is that it's a story that keeps going.  The one downside to zombie movies is that they have to end.  You get two hours of zombie greatness and then it's over.  This is not the case with Walking Dead.  The entire point of the series is to see what happens as survivors of a zombie apocalypse are forced to live out the rest of their lives in a world overrun by hordes of the undead.  These few remaining humans need to find safe places to live, they need to find food and water, they need to raise their kids.  It's a story that spans years, not just the first few days post breakout.

 

Another major reason Walking Dead is so great is that it's writer and creator, Robert Kirkman, understands that the best zombie stories aren't about the undead.  They're about the survivors.  The zombies are just a setting and the real story is the character drama within the group of survivors.  As a result of this, his characters are much deeper and are more complicated and real than those you'll find in other zombie stories.  Walking Dead really is the story of a small group of people and how they interact with each other while dealing with the immense pressure of trying to survive the situation they find themselves in.

 

And now comes word that Walking Dead is being developed into a TV series for the AMC Network.  This is seriously great news.  First of all it's great because I was afraid that when the Walking Dead comics did get adapted to another format, it would probably be to a movie which would defeat the whole purpose of the ongoing story that never ends.  This has to be a series if you are going to have the time you need to tell the story correctly.  Secondly, while I was hoping someone like HBO or Showtime would pick up the series so it could be bloody as hell and totally R rated, I'm totally ok with AMC having gotten the rights to it instead.  This is the same network which has brought us great shows like Mad Men and Breaking Bad (both of which are must sees). 

 

And finally, I'm happy because the show is being developed by Frank Darabont.  He's known for having written the screenplays for Green Mile and The Shawshank Redemption.  He also directed the Green Mile.  He's a three time Oscar Nominee for writing.  He's also worked on some other great geek properties like the Young Indiana Jones series and Tales from the Crypt.  If that wasn't enough, he also wrote my personal favorite Nightmare On Elm Street Movie, Part 3.

 

Frank Darabont is an immensely talented writer and director who definitely understands both how important good characters are to a story as well as how to make good horror.  Having him included with this project gives me great hope for it.  It shows that AMC isn't afraid to pull out the A level talent to get this show made.  They're not going to do a hack job with this, they're going to do their best to make this a quality zombie series.  I can't wait to see what they do with it.

Random Awesomeness

 

Yeah, that pic pretty much says it all.  Don't worry though, I'm sure Buffy will have this whole things cleared up in no time.

Rock, Paper, Scissors . . . Now With The Force!

Rock, Paper, Scissors is a great game we all know and love.  We've played it all our lives and it helps us decide everything from which team in a sports game goes first to who gets to sit shotgun in your friend's car on the way to the bar.  Sure, theres been some other versions of the games over the years.  Versions that have added new weapons to the game like RPS 25, and there's the verion created on the show The Big Bang theory which added Lizard and Spock.  Never though, has Rock Paper Scissors ever been crossed with the greatest movie series of all time.  I speak, of course, of the original Star Wars Trilogy.

 

But now that time has come.  Finally we have a Star Wars version of Rock Paper Scissors, and it is awesome.  Here's how it works.  Just like in Rock Paper Scissors, there are three hand symbols:

 



 

1.  A single finger held high.  This represents the lightsaber, the elegent weapon of the Jedi nights.  This is the symbol which represents Luke.

 



 

2.  A closed fist, with the back of your hand held toward your opponent.  Just like Vader did to Luke when he said, "Come with me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son!".  The fist, of course, represents Vader.

 



 

3.  An open hand with the fingers bent at the knuckles, palm towards opponent.  This represents the universal hand signal for force lightning.  It is the symbol of Emperor Palpatine. 

 

And now the rules, as they were layed out in the sacred texts (aka the original trilogy film scripts).

 

• Luke beats Vader


• Emperor Palpatine beats Luke


• Vader beats the Emperor

 

(Via Geekdad)

 

UPDATE:

 

Ok, so after a bit of thinking, I decided that three people from Star Wars wasn't nearly enough of a game for me.  If Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock can have five items, so can the Star Wars version of RPS.  So I've gone ahead and added two new people to the game, and have created the rules of winning with them too.  I call the game . . .

 

Luke Vader Palpatine Leia Han

 



 

Han:  Hand held palm down, with your thumb extended out a little bit.  This represents Han's ship, the Millenium Falcon.

 



 

Leia:  A partially closed fist with the index and pinky fingers slightly higher than the middle two fingers.  This represents Leia's iconic bun hairdo from the original Star Wars film.

 

Also, I'm personally not really fond of the closed fist being the symbol of Vader, so I'm changing it to a closed hand with the thumb and index fingers extended in an almost closed circle, thus representing Vader's force choke.

 



 

Here's the rules of winning:

 

• Luke disarms Vader (literally)


• Palpatine electrocutes Luke


• Vader assassinates Palpatine


• Leia Overthrows Palpatine and his Empire


• Han Saves Luke's Ass (twice)


• Luke rescues Leia


• Palpatine oppresses Han


• Vader tortures Han


• Leia Outsmarts Vader


• Han Seduces Leia

The Best WoW Music Video Ever

 

 

We here at Geek-tastic are big fans of the sensational web series The Guild.  Even though I've never played World of Warcraft obsessively like the characters in that show do (I did however play it for a little while though), I still love anything with good gamer humor and great characters.  The Guild definitely has an overabundance of both. 

 

The third season of the show starts on August 25th, and in order to promote it the cast of the show have put together one of the best (ok, the only) MMORPG based pop songs of all time.  Both the song's and the video's production quality are suprisingly high.  The song itself very much reminds me of the kinds of cheesy dance pop you'd get from Kylie Monogue, but it's catchy as hell and I haven't been able to stop singing it since I first heard it.

 

Also, the video features the cast wearing the costumes of their character's WoW persona.  That just adds to the greatness of the video, especially when you factor in the inherent hotness that is Felicia Day dancing and singing and acting all sexy.  It's all tongue-in-cheek, but that doesn't make it any less hot.

Things Are Getting Really Friendly In A Galaxy Far Far Away

 

Princess Leia has always had a strange taste in men. For a lady with a royal upbringing, she sure does love to hobnob with the lower levels of society. The smugglers and the gamblers and the political rebels. Soundrels and scum, if you will. And now we find out that she's also into some inter-species fun as well. Maybe she just has a thing for hairy guys.

 

Don't worry about Han though, I don't think he's going to be angry about this at all. It seems he's already moved on and found someone else to share his life with.

 



 

Both of these great photos are actually part of a series of rarely seen Star Wars photos that have recently been posted online.  I think my favorite one after these two is the one of Harrison Ford making a really weird face. Just check out the link, you'll know which one I'm talking about.

James Cameron's Avatar Is Beginning To Annoy Me (A Rant)

 

Ok, so James Cameron, the guy who directed three of the greatest sci-fi films of all time (Terminator, Terminator 2 and Aliens) is making his big return to directing feature films this year.  It's the first film he's made since Titanic came out back in 1997 (those documentary films don't count).  His new project is a brand new sci-fi film called Avatar, which unlike most everything else these days isn't a remake or reboot of some classic sci-fi film or TV series.  It's something entirely new. 

 

On paper, this sounds too awesome for words.  It's one of the greatest sci-fi directors of all time dreaming up a new masterpiece of wonders we've never seen before.  This should be right up my alley, right?  Then why the hell am I worried?  Why am I starting to get annoyed?  I've been trying to figure this out for a little bit now, and I'm still not 100% sure of the answer, but I believe I'm beginning to understand why.  It's all just sounding so incredibly pretentious to me.

 

Is James Cameron an amazing director?  Without question.  Has he provided the genre of sci-fi with some of its most beloved films?  Duh, obviously.  But that doesn't necessarily mean that everything he's ever going to touch from this point forward is going to turn to gold, yet that's how every article I've read about his new film is making it sound.  Seriously, every single article.  One after another.  They're all already hailing Avatar as if it will be the greatest film ever made, like it's not even just a film but a life changing experience.  Listening to some of the articles found online, it's almost as if they're talking about this film being akin to the second coming of Christ in regards to the levels of outrageous joy it will bring to the world.

 

I'm sorry, I'm just not buying it.  If this film is going to be so god damned amazing, then why is it that every bit of it I see looks like it came from a generic low budget sci-fi film?  Other parts of it look like they were literally stolen from pre-existing franchises without even an attempt to hide the fact.  Those big power suit mechs that everyone's gushing over?  They look exactly the same as every mech suit I've ever seen on the cover of every Battlemech product ever made.  These amazing new aliens that we've been hearing so many rumors about?  Just like every other sci-fi film ever made, they look just like humans except they have different eyes and ears and stuff.  But they've still got 10 fingers and 10 toes. 

 



 

So if the big ass mech suits look like normal big ass mech suits, and the aliens look like something you'd see in your standard Star Trek movie, would someone please explain to me then just what makes this upcoming film so groundbreaking and mind blowingly awesome?  And don't just say it's because James Cameron is making it.  After Episode I, I think we've all learned that even the most famous sci-fi filmmakers ever can make horrible mistakes.  So far, I haven't seen much about Avatar to really care about.  I do realize though that the film is still far away, and I haven't seen any actual footage from the film yet, so I could be totally wrong and the film will be every bit as amazing as they say it will be.  I really hope that it is too.  I love sci-fi afterall and am always  happy when great new sci-fi comes out.

 

As I said earlier though, it's the pretentiousness of it all that's really bugging me.  James Cameron has been making big statements and wild claims about how his new film is going to revolutionize sci-fi filmmaking as we know it.  He says it's going to change the way we view sci-fi just like The Matrix did.  The problem is, if you look back historically, no film that has ever made such bold claims before it came out has ever lived up to them.  It's been films like the original Star Wars and The Matrix, films that came out with little to no marketing and which didn't announce themselves boldly to the wolrd, that tend to make the biggest impact.  For a more recent example, look at District 9 which just came out last Friday.  It's a tiny little film with only a $30 million budget, yet it's done things we've never seen done in a sci-fi film.  It gave us aliens that are more than just people with lots of makeup on.  It gave us the best live action mech suit battle I've ever seen.  It did a lot, and you didn't hear the director talking up the film over six months in advance saying how his work is going to change the world.

 

My fear is that Cameron is talking like he is because he desperately wants us to believe what he is saying.  I'm afraid that he's making such bold statements because he's trying to build buzz for his film in any way he can because maybe deep down he's realized that he's created just another generic sci-fi film and he may have a huge bomb on his hands.  Perhaps if he can convince us all before we see the film that it's going to be the greatest thing ever, then just maybe he'll sell enough tickets on the opening weekend to the curious amongst us to make the film a success before word of mouth spreads about it's general blandness.

 

I really am hoping that I'm wrong though, but the pretentiousness just continues.  This Friday in IMAX theatres across the country they're going to be doing a special sneak screening of 15 minutes of selected footage from the film.  I've managed to snag a spot at one of these screenings actually, and will be sure to report back to you what I think of the footage.  Will it suck?  Will it rock my world?  Who knows.  I'm obviously leaning towards the former there, but I could be very well suprised.  I must say though, after the awesomeness that was District 9 last weekend, Avatar's going to have to be pretty fucking impressive if it wishes to be considered favorably in my mind when compared to Neill Blomkamp's masterpiece.

 

So be sure to check back here next week to hear my thoughts on the footage they're screening this weekend.

Pat's Movie Reviews - District 9

 

I've been complaining a lot lately about the lack of creativity and originality in hollywood these days.  It seems to me that all we see anymore are sequels or remakes of older films.  I've even heard the term "The Era of the Reboot" used to describe the current state of cinema, where everything from Star Trek to Nightmare on Elm Street is getting rebooted for the 21st century.  Hell, just today I found out that they're going to be remaking Interview with the Vampire starring Robert Downey Jr. as Lestat.  Nothing seems new anymore.  Everything is remakes or rehashes of what has come before.  It makes me often wonder whatever happened to times past like the 80's, when new properties like Terminator and Predator and Robocop were coming out every year.  It really feels to me like we've lost a lot of the creativity that once ruled Hollywood.

 

Distict 9 though is proof that such originality and creative spirit isn't completely dead yet.  In a summer that has been ruled by big, bulky sequels and reboots like Transformers 2, Star Trek, Terminator: Salvation and GI Joe, to find a film that's based on an original concept is a rare gift indeed.  While the film's plot may cover well treaded sci-fi territory (aliens coming to earth), the story covers ground not really looked at by sci-fi films in the past and it delivers said story in a way that is entirely original for the genre.  The result is what I would arguably call the best film released this summer.

 

District 9's plot centers around an alternate history where a group of insectiod aliens came to Earth 20 years ago in a large spaceship that no longer seems to be functioning.  In a documentary style history lesson at the beginning of the film, we learn that after three months of the ship hovering idly over the city of Johannesburg in South Africa, Humanity sends in teams to see what's going on aboard the ship.  What they discover are a million malnourished worker drones who are either sick or dying.  In a major humanitarian effort, the nation of South Africa turns to a giant corporation called Multi-National United (MNU) to help them set up a releif camp where the alien population can be restored to health.  The camp is given the name District 9.

 

In the beginning, things go well and Humanity is more than happy to help the aliens out.  Over time though relations between the two races turn sour.  The Prawns (as the aliens are referred to in the film) are forced to live in extreme poverty and after a few years District 9 becomes a crime ridden slum.  Tensions rise as violent outbursts from the Prawns leads to attacks on local human storeowners.  Buildings are set on fire, people are hurt, and at one point they even derail a train.  The humans get fed up with the alien presence in their city and enforce a Human Only policy for almost every shop and building in the city, which forces the residents of District 9 to basically become prisoners within the walls of their fetid ghetto.

 

This leads us to the present day, where Humanity has decided that the aliens live too close to the city and must therefore be forcibly relocated to an area 260 Kilometers away.  MNU sends in a task force led by the film's main character, a sweet but naive and completely inexperienced office worker named Wikus Van De Merwe, to go door to door (or more appropriately, shanty to shanty) to serve the Prawns with eviction notices.  During the delivery of these notices, Wikus stumbles upon a mysterious vial that accidentally sprays him in the face.  The spray causes him to . . . .

 

Wait, that would be telling. 

 

I don't want to ruin the suprise.  Let's just say that from that point on things start to really pick up and the film's story begins to take off.  While District 9 is a film about aliens and  has a great deal of typical summer movie action in it, what really sets it apart from all of the other inane drivel we've had to endure this summer (I'm looking at you Transformers 2) is the solidness of it's central story and the deep message the film is trying to convey.  At it's heart, District 9 is a character study of Wikus and the choices he has to make once he finds himself in a situation he never expected to be in.  Everything he thinks and knows is thrown into question and we as the audience get to witness an amazing bit of character growth and change.  All of this is set up against a solid backdrop of human cruelty with obvious and blatant references to South Africa's history of apartheid as well as human racism in general. 

 

This is a summer movie that not only entertains with cool explosions and special effects; it makes you think as well.   The film was directed by a first time director named Neill Blomkamp, who was originally chosen by Peter Jackson to direct the live-action adaptation of the popular Halo videogame.  Sadly though, that project never happened and as a backup Jackson decided to help Blomkamp make a full length version of a short film he had done years earlier called Alive in Joburg.  The result was District 9.  Blomkamp, as it turns out, is a tremendously talented director.  He uses a lot of shaky handheld camera work in this film to convey a very real-life feel to the whole affair, and it works suprisingly well. 

 

Everything in the film, in fact, is done in as realistic a way as possible.  The special effects are astounding when you consider that every single alien in the film is 100% CG, but are done so well that it honestly looks like the creatures are standing right next to the actors in the scenes.  You really cannot tell they're fake in the way most CG creatures usually are (looking all shiny or too clean, like they're not really a part of the background).  Even the alien weaponry in the film has a dirty and worn feel to it.  I actually watched this great video this morning in which Blomkamp reveals his approach to using CG in the film and it's so refreshing to hear him say how his goal is to make the special effects shots blend seamlessly with the backgrounds to the point where you don't even really pay attention to them.  He wants them to just be basic background stuff like you'd see in any other film.  It's the plot that's important to him, not the special effects.  This seams like such a departure from other typical summer blockbusters like GI Joe or the Star Wars prequels where the special effects are pushed to the forefront constantly as things to be marvelled at while little things like plot and likable characters are forgotten about.

 

What amazes me the most about this film though is the budget.  This film cost only $30 million to make.  That's nothing when you consider GI Joe (released just last week) had a budget of $175 million and Transformers 2 had a budget of $200 million.  Hell, I'm pretty sure Michael Bay spent more than $30 million dollars of his budget animating Devastator's metal nutsack in Transformers 2.  Yet here we have a film that has a next-to-nothing budget as far as sci-fi/action films go and the finished product so superior to every other film I've seen this summer that people like Michael Bay, Stephen Sommers and McG should be hanging their heads in shame.  They've just been outdone and outclassed by a newcomer whose little film didn't have any of the major financial and marketing backing their films received.  District 9 didn't even have a known name actor in the starring role.

 

Speaking of the film's star, by the way.  His name is Sharlto Copley.  He's never been in a film before, but he gives one of the most powerful performances I've seen in years.  He never even really wanted to be an actor, he got this gig because he happened to also be in the original short film Alive in Joburg, which I'm pretty sure he'd only done as a favor to his friend Blomkamp.  He tears up the screen in this film though.  His performance is so solid that I had no problem whatsoever believing that the sweet-but-simple office worker Wikus Van De Merwe was capable of the things he does when he's pushed to the edge and beyond.  He's phenomenal in District 9, and I really hope we will get to see more of him again in the future.

 

After walking out of District 9, I couldn't help but think of how every single other film this summer would have been so much better if only Neill Blomkamp had been allowed to direct it.  Terminator: Salvation's special effects would have been a thousand times cooler, GI Joe would have had realistic but awesome military action and Transformers 2 . . . well, Transformers 2 would have actually had a plot.  And now the thought that I'll never get to see a Halo film by Blomkamp just makes me really sad.  He had actually shot some test footage for his possible Halo film when it was still in the early stages, and even that little bit of footage was enough to make me wet my pants due to it's awesomeness.

 

Everyone needs to go see District 9.  Not only is it the best damn action film we've gotten all summer, it's also something truly original.  It's intelligent and will make you think long after you've left the theater.  To those of you out there who are always complaining that Hollywood only ever makes brain dead films, this is what you've been waiting for.  Yet I can't help but notice how District 9 only made $37 million on it's opening weekend, whereas films like Transformers 2 manage to rake in over $100 in its first few days.  This just makes me really sad because it points out the real problem with Hollywood.  It's us, the general public.  Hollywood only makes stupid movies because those are the ones that rake in billions of dollars worldwide.  Intelligent films like District 9 never perform as well as the moronic fare of Michael Bay, and that's because you the audience don't go see good films like this one when they come out.

 

Please do me, yourself and everyone else a favor.  Go see District 9.  Make this film a smashing success.  Prove to Hollywood that there's a viable market out there for smart, thought provoking action films like this.  If you do, maybe we'll get lucky and get to see more good stuff like this.

 

Final Grade: A

New Geek DVD Day - 08/11/09

 

 

The Good:  Super Friends - The Lost Episodes

 

Why It's Good:  I wasn't even aware that the Super Friends had any lost episodes, but apparently they do.  Looks like the Hall of Justice had some rooms deep down in the basement where Robin the blundering Boy Wonder stored some stuff and completely forgot about them.  But the amazing detective skills of Batman have found them after many years, and now they're available to be seen by everyone.  It's 12 episodes/shorts that haven't been released before. 

 



 

The Badass:  Alien Tresspass

 

Why It's Badass:  It's a tongue-in-cheek throwback/homage to the classic 50's sci-fi B movies where aliens from outer space land in a small town in the middle of nowhere and start to cause all sorts of problems.  Plus, the dad from the Wonder Years plays the town sheriff.  From what I've read, it's supposed to be pretty fun to watch.

 



 

The Awesome:  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Film Collection (on Blu-ray)

 

Why It's Awesome:  It's a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Boxset.  This set contains all four Turtles movies.  The three live action ones, and the CG one.  It also comes with a bunch of bonus stuff like  a comic book, character cards, a Turtles sketch from Peter Laird and something called a "Radical Beanie Hat".  Somehow, I seriously doubt the ability of any beanie hat to be considered radical.

 

Also, the four DVD's included in the set are designed to look like pizzas.  That's not really a bonus or anything, I just thought it was amusing.  I should also say that I'm not sure exactly how good seeing four guys in rubber Turtle suits will look in Hi Def, but hey, that CG movie was badass and will probably look really sweet.

The 10 Greatest Fictional Characters To Ever Wear Chuck Taylor All Stars

 

They're almost 100 years old now.  They're a simple shoe made of canvas and rubber.  They are available in just about every color and pattern imaginable, although most people still consider the classic black & white to be the best version of them.  They were originally sold as basketball shoes, but somewhere during thier long history they were adopted by a completely different demographic . . . Geeks.  They are, of course, the Converse Chuck Taylor All Star.

 

I'm not sure when or where it happened, but somewhere in the last 30 years or so, Chuck Taylor's have gone from being a sports shoe to a nerd icon.  They're required wearing for anyone who plays in a rock band with a geeky or punk leaning.  They can be seen being worn by a wide variety of people on TV and in movies.  Some of our greatest geek heroes have worn them, whether they be time travellers, scientists, Wizards or even aliens doesn't matter.  All that matters is that their shoes are all the same, and seeing someone in them nowadays makes them instantly cooler as far as most geeks are concerned.

 

And now, we here at Geek-tastic are proud to present to you our list of the Top 10 Greatest & Geekiest Fictional Characters To Ever Wear Chuck Taylors.

 

10.  Hank Venture

 



 

The grandson of a world famous scientist/adventurer and the son of a not so great scientist/adventurer, Hank Venture has been destined for a life of action and adventure since before he was born.  While he may not be the brightest guy around, he's definitely the braver and more outgoing of the two Venture Brothers (let's be honest, Dean's a pansy).  He tries to learn all he can from his hero Brock Samson and is always itching to get involved in any missions either his dad or Brock get involved with.  When he's not sleeping in his Aqua Man pajamas, Hank can regularly be seen wearing his trademark blue neckerchief and matching low-top Chuck Taylors, thus proving he has both ample amounts of courage AND style!

 

09.  Gabriel Gray (aka Sylar)

 



 

You all know how I feel about the show Heroes, but that doesn't stop me from admitting that at least in season one of the show, the main villain Sylar was a bonafide badass.  He was a superpowered serial killer with an overwhelming lust for more power.  He kept adding to his powers by stealing the powers of other heroes directly from their brains.  He was a great character (before subsequent seasons destroyed every bit of coolness he ever had) and watching him lull foolish heroes into a false sense of security with his quiet and nerdy act before cutting their heads open was an absolute pleasure to watch.  Oh Sylar, whatever happened to you?  You used to be so awesome.  At least your choice in cool footwear hasn't changed.  Sylar is still known for committing violent acts while wearing the classic black & white Converse High Tops.

 

08.  Dwight McCarthy

 



 

Dwight's a complicated guy with a long and complicated history.  He's even had his face changed from what it used to look like.  It's a long story, don't ask.  Anyways, he's a resident of Sin City, and like most of the people who dwell there he's got a rather hard edge to him.  He's tough, smart and good with guns.  However, he's also rather chivalrous and does what he can to help out the prostitues who run Old Town when they need it.  He also has a fondness for old cars and has a tendency to easily fall for beautiful women.  His footwear of choice are bright red Converse High Tops.

 

07 & 06.  Bill S. Preston Esquire & Ted Theodore Logan

 



 

From their humble beginnings in San Dimas, California, Bill & Ted had one simple dream . . . to be in a rock band.  In high school they formed the Wyld Stallyns, and even though they didn't know how to play guitar, they wouldn't let a little thing like that stop them from achieving their dreams.  One night, while hanging out in the parking lot of a Circle K, they started out on a most excellent journey together  that would take them through time.  This adventure was followed up a little while later by a bogus journey that saw them going to both heaven and hell.  Through it all though they kept their cool, learned how to play and went on to become the most popular rock band of all time.  Their music even managed to bring about world peace and ushered in a new period of enlightenment for all mankind.  Bill's shoe choice for travelling through time and the afterlife are the all white Chuck Taylors whereas Ted prefers to go for black & white Hi-tops (never completely laced up for even more comfort).

 

05.  Detective Del Spooner

 



 

Detective Spooner is a cop with some major personal issues about robots.  A few years ago he was involved in an incident with a robot that he can never really forget, and because of that moment he's developed a severe distrust of all mechanical beings.  It certainly doesn't help things when one of his friends is murdered, and the prime suspect is a robot.  But before he can go investigate things and ultimately bring down a full on robot uprising, Spooner makes sure to put on his brand new pair of Black & White Chuck Taylor All Stars that he had special ordered for just such an occasion.  That's what I call thinking ahead.  You never know when a robot uprising is going to come, and I can't think of any shoes more comfortable to wear while fighting off an evil robot army.

 

04.  Dr. Leonard Hofstadter

 



 

Leonard is a bit of a genius.  His IQ is 173 and he earned his PhD in Physics at the age of 24.  Unfortunately, neither of these facts seem to help him get over some of his social awkwardness.  He has a group of good friends who are also as smart as he is, but he longs to be able to talk to people outside of his immediate social group.  He can frequently be found pining away over his cute blonde neighbor penny, even though I personally fail to ever understand how he could be mentally stimulated by her (but that's just me).  His hobbies include comic books, toy collecting and video games.  He's also rather adept at Secret Agent Chess.  Leonard is usually known for wearing black and white low cut Chuck Taylor's when getting into adventures or zany situations with his friends.

 

03.  Marty McFly

 



 

Ok, so most of you will probably only remember Marty McFly for wearing those awesome self-lacing Nike's from the  year 2015, but those aren't the only shoes this famous time traveller wears while jaunting about the space-time contuinuum.  During Marty's first trip through time, back to the year 1955, in order to not seem out of place with the timeline he donned a pair of black & white Chuck Taylors.  It was in these shoes that Marty ran afoul of Biff Tannen and his cronies and then singlehandedly invented the sport of skateboarding.  Maybe that's why a lot of skaters are still wearing Chucks even today.  It's all thanks to Mr. McFly and his trendsetting ways.

 

02.  Harry Potter

 



 

The Chosen One, The Boy Who Lived, young Harry Potter has many nicknames.  He's the head of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, a member of the Order of the Phoenix, and is said to be the only one who can bring down the most powerful dark wizard of all time.  That's a lot of pressure to put on a teenager, but Harry seems to manage it ok.  Maybe it's his Muggle upbringing, but whereas most of the wizarding world is known for wearing more traditional shoes, Harry can regularly be seen wearing low cut blue Chuck Taylors.  I bet they're amazingly comfortable to wear while dueling other wizards or when involved in combat with Death Eaters.

 

01.  Doctor Who

 



 

He's from an alien race known as the Time Lords.  He's the last of his kind.  He's 900 years old and he has a ship that can take him anywhere he wants in the universe at any time he wishes (when it's working properly).  He's saved not only the earth, but the whole universe itself more times than I can count.  In his travels he's faced down countless enemies such as Daleks and Cybermen.  He's seen everything from ancient prehistoric times to the end of time itself.  He's cruised aboard the starship Titanic, hung out with William Shakespeare, was banned from England by Queen Victoria herself and was there to witness the day when the Earth's sun finally dies and takes the planet with it.  He's even gone face to face with Satan himself and kicked his ass into a black hole.  He's The Doctor, and what does he wear as he runs around through space and time saving the universe?  He usually wears white Chuck Taylor High Tops, but he's also been known to wear other colors too on occasion like black or red.  Are you suprised?  He's probably the smartest person in all of existence, of course he knows which shoes are the best ones to wear.

Pat's Movie Reviews: GI Joe - The Rise Of Cobra

 

It should be noted before I begin this review that I am trying my absolute hardest here to be as unbiased as possible in my review of this film.  Growing up, GI Joe was hands down my favorite line of toys.  Everything else was secondary to the Joe team, and I knew going into this that pretty much no live-action Joe film ever made could ever possibly live up to the one I've been dreaming up in my brain since the age of 7 or so.  I understand that and have accepted it.  So when I start bagging on this film in a few paragraphs, I don't want you to think I'm doing so because I'm an angry fanboy who's pissed off that his favorite childhood toys got turned into a shitty film.  While I admit to being an angry fanboy, I want to stress that I am doing my best to judge this film simply on its merits, and not by the longstanding association I have with the GI Joe franchise.

 

Oh, also, consider this your SPOILER WARNING!  While I typically abhor giving spoilers in a movie review, there are some plot points that happen in this film that I must discuss to explain just why I think the way I do about this film.  Consider yourselves warned.

 

Ok, with that said, here we go . . .

 

Oh my god this film sucked so badly in so many ways, but it's probably not for the reasons that you're thinking.  Was the film over-the-top and silly and cheesy, yes it was most definitely all of those . . . but so was the GI Joe cartoon series.  Let's not forget this film is based on an 80's kids cartoon series.  The original show was basically a vehicle to sell toys to kids, and it did its job well.  While I and many people my age have very fond memories of watching Snake Eyes and the rest of the Joe team beating up Cobra every week, let's not forget just how horrible and goofy that show could be.  This was the same series where GI Joe and Cobra got involved in a hockey match for parts of a Weather Dominator that had fallen to earth after having been blown up.  The same series that once had Snake Eyes appear in a chorus line and then breakdance.  And let's not forget the episode where the evil Cobra plot was to take over the world using subliminal messages hidden in the music of a horrible 80's pop metal band called Cold Slither.

 

My point being, the show was goofy, so I have no problem with the film being goofy too.  GI Joe still is, afterall, a tool to sell toys.  If this wasn't apparent enough beforehand, the fact that the person at the theater's ticket booth gave me both a ticket and a catalog of all of the available GI Joe movie toys at Target when I gave her my money brought this point painfully home.  This film wasn't being made for me.  It wasn't even being made for anyone over the age of 12.  This was made for kids, and it should be viewed as such.  Therefore, the fact that the film featured action scenes taht could only be described as cartoonish is fine by me.  Yes, a woman can jump off of a motorcycle seconds before it collides head on with another vehicle, fly 40 feet into the air, be caught by a guy running at least 100mph himself, and be perfectly fine.  Yes, a Hummer with a big metal shovel on the front of it can send any car it hits spinning 100 feet into the air before they explode.  Yes, entire teams of people can shoot full clips of automatic weapons at someone only 20 feet away and still somehow manage to miss them.  Yes, people can be killed left and right with ninja swords but a drop of blood is never seen.  I'm fine with all that.

 

My problems with this film stem more from a technical level.  This film had a budget of around $150 million, right?  Then why is a lot of the CG so atrocious?  Why does the makeup for the main villains look like something I'd see from a high school theater production?  What blind and mentally deficient designer created most of the costumes for this film?  Why are there so many huge, but easily fixable plotholes?  I don't care if it is a kids film that's just been made to sell toys.  Just because it's a kids film is no excuse for bad plot.  Kids films can have good plots too.  

 

At it's basic, I'm ok with the story of the GI Joe movie.  Cobra has developed these cool missle warheads that have a green goo in them which can expand out and eat anything made of metal.  They're planning on using these missles to blow up cities around the world and either have the world cower in fear of them or pay them a ransom or something, I'm not quite sure since it was never really made clear.  That doesn't matter though because at least the basic plot is exactly like something out of the GI Joe TV series.  Cobra, or at least Destro in this film, has a cool scary device to blow stuff up, and the Joes have to stop them.  It feels like GI Joe, and that's good.  What doesn't make sense though is the details.  These missle warheads were built by Destro, for NATO.  Destro's built these things, he owns the factory that makes them.  So why then does he spend the first half of the film trying to steal the warheads back from the US Government and the GI Joe team? 

 

At the beginning of the film he sells the warheads to them.  Why didn't he just keep them?  Or, if he wants to sell them to fund his operations, why not use his completely legal and government sanctioned weapons factory to build more of them for himself?  The film's excuse for this is that Destro doesn't want NATO to know that he is the bad guy who uses the weapons, but if this is the case, why the hell is Destro personally handling the retrieval process and making it abundantly clear to everyone involved that he's stealing his own weapons back so he can use them to blow up cities?  You'd think this would be where Cobra Commander comes in, right?  If Destro doesn't want to look like a bad guy, why not have an evil terrorist organization run by a different guy show up and steal the stuff, thus leaving Destro blame free?  But no, it turns out that Cobra Commander is Destro's techie/bitch boy who makes all of his equipment for him, and he instead sends a team of guys decked out head to toe in Destro's company's gear to get the warheads back.  Good one Destro!  Now NATO will never know that you had anything to do with it.

 

I could go on and on about such gaping plot holes, as the film has many, but for fear of this review reaching the length of one of the latter Harry Potter novels, I'll save us time and only point out one more that really bugged me.  Snake Eyes is pretty much everyone's favorite member of the Joe team, right?  He's a kickass ninja who dresses all in black and never speaks, and it's well a well known fact in the Joe Mythology that Snake Eyes' arch rival is Stormshadow, a kickass ninja from his same clan who wears all white and who speaks a lot (typically mocking or taunting Snake Eyes).  It a classic rivalry that fans have loved for years, so it's no wonder that it was included in the film.  We learn of this rivalry through two different flashbacks in the film.  In the first flashback, we see Snake Eyes and Stormshadow meet for the first time as kids.  Snake Eyes is a homeless kid (I'd say between 8 to 10 years old) on the streets of Japan who breaks into a monastary to get some food.  The little kid version of Stormshadow walks in on him, catching him in the act, and a fight breaks out. 

 

The fight itself is pretty decent (for a kid fight) and I even get over my inherent hatred for child actors because I figure it's just the one scene and the fight was fun to watch.  Their fight is broken up by the school's master and Snake Eyes is invited to join them since he fights so well.  Ok, simple enough, right?  It's introduced the characters' back story and set up the rivalry well enough.  So you'd imagine that the next flashback or two would show them growing up together and becoming close (they refer to each other as "brother" a lot).  You'd then see them grow apart as Stormshadow's inherent evilness and jealousy of Snake Eyes takes over and he eventually kills their master.  That would make sense, wouldn't it?

 

Well so much for making sense.  Instead, this film treats us to only one more cutscene in which we see the same two kids from the first scene (who hadn't aged a day) training together for a few matches before kid Snake Eyes beats kid Stormshadow once.  Kid Stormshadow gets all pissed off that his master likes this, and so he stabs the guy in the back (literally) and runs away.  Done this way, the background of these two pivotal characters loses anything that could have made it good.  After seeing the second flashback the audience is left to believe that Snake Eyes and Stormshadow only trained together for maybe a few weeks or months at most before Stormshadow killed their master.  That meant they didn't have enough time together to grow a close enough bond to call each other "brother".  It means that Snake Eyes only got a few months at most of actual Ninja training and thus can't possibly be a ninja master, and it also means that Stormshadow can't be a ninja master either since he killed his master at such a young age.

 

The story, as shown, leaves us with too many unanswered questions.  Why are Snake Eyes and Stormshadow so close when they only barely knew each other?  Where did they learn their ninja skills from after their master died?  Have they even seen each other since that day?  Why the hell would Snake Eyes take a lifelong vow of silence over the death of a master he only knew for a few weeks?  And just how in god's name did a little 10 year old Stormshadow kill a ninja master?  All of these questions could have been avoided if the second flashback had featured 20 year old actors instead of kids.  It's this sort of simple oversight that is indicative of a lot of the GI Joe movie's problems.  There are so many things that come across as flat out stupid that could have been made cool with one or two simple changes to the story. 

 

Is the film all bad though?  I'd have to say no.  Aside from it's many, many problems, there are some cool things to see in the GI Joe film.  As I said before the basic plot is like a classic GI Joe story.  A lot of the actions scenes are actually fairly enjoyable too.  Halfway through the film there's an attack on the GI Joe base which is pretty fun to watch.  There's a sweet underwater battle near the end that is different from anything I've ever seen before, and a lot of the vehicles and gadgets in the film looked like something straight out of the GI Joe toyline too.  I thought that was pretty rad.

 

Also, even though the story completely fraks up the character of the Baronness beyond belief, seeing Sienna Miller walking across the screen with her black hair, glasses and skintight black outfit was pure joy.  Yeah, she didn't have an accent (which is so incredibly wrong), but at least she looked the part.  Scarlett also was amazing eye candy, even though her character could have and should have been a hell of a lot tougher. 

 

Aside from the bad backstory, and aside from the god awful molded plastic lips on his face, they actually brought across the character of Snake Eyes rather well.  When he got into combat and was doing sweet ninja moves it really was like getting to see my childhood fantasy battles with him made real.  Adult Stormshadow was also handled really well, and I loved the actor playing him.  Whenever he and Snake Eyes met in the film, I got all giddy.

 

On a completely random note, Brenden Frasier has a small cameo in the film.  I don't know why, but that thoroughly amused me.

 

Overall though, the GI Joe movie is pretty damned terrible.  The plot is so bad I'm convinced a team of retarded monkeys on acid could have written something more intelligent, the acting is straight up cheeseball, the special effects and makeup looked really bad, and whoever designed Cobra Commander's helmet needs to be shot in the face.  Seriously, he spends the vast majority of the film walking around as a guy called The Doctor and looking like a reject from a low budget direct-to-TV film from the SyFy channel, only to finally put on his full helmet at the very end to announce himself as Cobra Commander, which somehow only serves in making him look worse.  I'm not kidding.  This is what he looks like.

 



 

Do you hear that sound?  That's the sound of thousands of talented costume designers killing themselves because some hack got this approved while they're still trying to find work.

 

In the end, I'd say this film is just about as bad as Transformers 2 was.  Actually, wait, I take that back.  This was slightly better than Transformers 2 was, but that's only because this film didn't have any horribly racist black stereotype characters running around in it like that one did.  Other than that though, they're basically the same.  It's mind numbingly stupid (in a bad way) and if you were in any way a fan of the franchise as a kid, seeing this will make you want to rip out your eyeballs and throw them far, far away just so the pain of having to endure viewing it will stop.

 

Final Grade:  D

The Legend Of Neil Has Returned

 

 

Ok, so I know I promised you this posting forever ago . . . and that I'm really really late in getting it to you.  Yes, I know, I suck.

 

Do you know what doesn't suck though?  Legend of Neil Season 2.  Finally, after a long wait it is finally here  . . . . and it certainly doesn't disappoint. 

 

To see the new episode, GO HERE!

 

If you have never seen the Legend of Neil before, you can do one of two things.  You can either watch the new episode linked to above, in which you'll be treated to a very brief recap of the whole first season of the show (in awesome song form).  Or, you can go here and watch the show from its beginning.  Personally, I suggest the latter option, but that's just me.

 

I'm so happy.  This episode sees the return of the nympho codependent fairy.  Woohoo!!!

Random Awesomeness

 

I absolutely love this painting of Data from The Goonies.  It comes from artist Sean Clauretie, whose website can be found here.  You should check it out.  It also has a kickass painting of Danger Mouse which definitely is worthy of your time to see.

Geek Item Of The Week

 

Pac-Man Oven Mitts

 

We geeks are lucky enough at this point in history to enjoy more cool geeky toys and gadgets than have ever been available to us before.  With the rise of geek culture and its push into the mainstream, we've seen things come out that 20 years or so ago would have only existed in our dreams.  Everything we could possibly imagine has pretty much been made at this point, and almost every room of our homes are filled with goodies of every kind.

 

Notice I did say almost there.  The Kitchen, as it turns out, has been sadly devoid of geeky accoutrements for the most part.  Sure, you can take geeky items and put them in your kitchen (I currently have an AT-AT sitting atop my fridge, guarding my food), but actual geeky kitchen tools that serve specific functions are few and far between.  That's why I'm so stoked to see these Pac-Man oven mitts.  They're the perfect thing to add a little bit of geek to your kitchen, plus they're fully functional and aren't just there for decoration. 

 

Also, while it's not specifically mentioned anywhere in the advertising for the product, I wouldn't be suprised if you could use these oven mitts to eat any ghosts you may have in your house.  That is of course assuming you can find some power pellets first.