Spider-man Is A Whore

 

Don't get me wrong, I love Spider-man.  Growing up, Spider-man was always my favorite superhero.  All of my friends were into Batman or the X-Men, but I was always about Spidey.  Not only did he have cool powers and a cool costume, but he was funny too.  He cracked jokes while he kicked a guy's ass.  I always liked that about him.  Plus, he had a super hot girlfriend (they weren't married yet when I was a kid).  I still blame Mary Jane for my life long love of redheads.

 

But the most imprtant thing that made me love Spider-man was that he was, like me, a geek.  He was a totally geeky science nerd who just happened to stumble upon his powers by accident.  He really was the first geek comic icon in my opinion. 

 

I am telling you all of this so that when I say that Spider-man is a whore, you know that I'm not just being some bitter comic fan who hates the success of Marvel's Spidey films.  Regardless of the films, Spider-man has been Marvel's poster boy for over 30 years now.  He's been used to hock everything from toys to breakfast cereal.  But that's never really bothered me either.

 

What always bugged me growing up was the sheer number of Marvel Team Up's that starred Spider-man.  Spidey has had more crime fighting partners than Ron Jeremy has had sexual partners.  It doesn't matter who they are in the Marvel universe.  They could be huge stars like Captain America or totally lame characters like Howard The Frickin' Duck.  If they've ever appeared in a Marvel Comic, chances are Spider-man has teamed with them.

 

Now comes news that Spider-man has even started teaming up with people from the real world.  In the next issue of Spider-man, your friendly neighborhood web shooter will be teaming up with none other that one Mr. Stephen Colbert.  Now I'm a fan of Mr. Colbert's as well, but what the fuck is he doing in a Spider-man comic?  Seriously!

 

Apparently, Stephen Colbert is running for president in the Marvel Universe right now, and this team up is a promotion of that, as well as being a total begging for some media attention.  Fine, it's a promotional stunt, I get that. 

 

What I don't get though is why Marvel opts for the silly promotional stunt instead of a cool one.  So Stephen Colbert is running for president in the Marvel universe.  How quaint.  But do you remember who ran for President in the DC universe, and actually won?  Lex Fucking Luthor.

 

As a comic book fan, which sounds cooler to you?  Stephen Colbert making a couple of comedy cameos as president in a few books, or Lex Luthor using his power as president to make Superman's life a living hell?  I don't know about you, but I'd choose Luthor any day of the week.

 

If Marvel is going to run a story about a fake presidential storyline, why not take a page from DC's book.  I just don't get why Marvel would waste our time with something that, while it is mildly amusing, could be so much cooler if they really put half a thought into it.  Make your fake president matter to the universe at large.  Put someone in the office who is going to use it to fuck over the entire world.

 

I like Stephen Colbert and all, but he's no Lex Luthor.  And Spidey, shame on you for having such low Team Up standards.