Pat's Favorite Moment From Comic Con 2010

As I was growing up, GI Joe was my absolute favorite cartoon show. Everything else was secondary to it. He-Man, Transformers, Thundercats, M.A.S.K., Silverhawks, whatever else . . . all of them paled in comparison to my love for GI Joe. To me, seeing a sign asking me to enlist in Cobra Industries was like a giant pulsating beacon. I couldn’t look away. Without even knowing what it was yet, I got in line and tried my absolute hardest not to start hopping up and down in excitement. Inside though, I was screaming like a little girl.

Thankfully, the line was short (a rarity at Con) and in a few minutes I was told to go up to one of the three stations they had set up where they were processing enlistees. I tried not to show my disappointment that the guy behind the counter wasn’t dressed in some sort of Cobra Uniform as he asked me for my name. I gave him my name as he asked, and then was told to step back for my picture to be taken. I suddenly realized that I wasn’t sure how I wanted to look in this picture. I was joining Cobra, so I should look evil and menacing, right? I gave the camera my best evil face, which came off looking more confused than anything I think, and was then told to go down to the end to pick up my badge.

“Badge? I’m getting a badge?” I thought. “Too Sweet!”

I walked down to the end of the line where a new guy was putting what looked like employee badges together. I utterly failed in my attempts to not look anxious as I waited for my badge. The minutes ticked by eternally slowly, until I heard my name finally called.

“Patrick” the guy said, in a bored sounding voice.

I jumped a little and was at the desk in a second. The badge was handed to me, and it was glorious. I had been given a Cobra Employee ID card, just like the kind I use every day to get into my office. It even came with the little retractable string thingy you use to attach it to your belt loop. I was in heaven.

“Hey”, my friend Lee said (who had been with me this whole time), “They spelled your name wrong.”

WHAT? Where? I looked again, I hadn’t even noticed it. My last name is spelled Roach (just like the bug or the drug paraphernalia), yet somehow the blonde stoner looking guy behind the counter had managed to spell it Roch.

To quote Darth Vader. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

I could not believe that they had misspelled my name. Not for this. This was too important. I had to get this right. My inner child was at the reins now. He was going to join Cobra, and he was going to have his fucking name spelled right as he did it.

The line wasn’t too long, so I hopped back in, tapping my foot now in impatience as I eagerly awaited a second chance to join Cobra’s ranks. I got up to the front of the line, and was this time directed to a different kiosk than the blonde stoner guy’s from before. “Thank god” I thought. “Maybe this new girl will actually know how to spell Roach.”

I go up to the counter. She asks my name. I very slowly tell her, “My name is Patrick Roach. R-O-A-C-H.” Yes, I actually spelled it out for her, just to be sure. She just smiled at me and said she got it. I stepped back and got ready for a second photo. Again I tried to look evil and Menacing. This time, I don’t think I look so much confused as I probably do mildly constipated or something. I really need to work on my evil glares apparently.

Another round of waiting at the badge desk. Again my name gets called out. Again I jump. I snatch the badge from the guy’s hand like a starving kid on Halloween grabbing trick-or-treat candy. My eyes shoot straight to the name.

Patrick Broach.

At this point I just start laughing at the absurdity of it all. The laughter helped me from breaking into tears. How hard is it to spell Roach anyways? It’s a common word. It’s not like my last name is Morgendorffer or something like that. I look back at the line, it’s gotten obnoxiously long now. I didn’t want to stand in it again, yet at the same time I didn’t want to walk away with a misspelled card.

I think for a couple of seconds, and then I see that the girl I had taken my second picture with is just finishing up with someone, and the person running the line hasn’t seen that they’re available yet. Without thinking, I run back up to her desk and say, “I’m really sorry, but you misspelled my name on this. Could I please do another one?” I tried really hard here not to sound like the whining 8 year old I really was in that moment. I don’t think I succeeded though.

To her credit, the girl behind the counter took pity on me and said that she still had my picture saved in her computer. She could just retype the card if I wanted, or I could take an all new picture. I mulled this over in my head for a few seconds. I wanted to take a new picture, but I had by now realized that my attempts at an evil glare were going to continue to fail until I practiced on them more. Also, I was starting to feel really self conscious, having had to go through all of this for what most other people around me probably considered to be a random/easily forgotten Con trinket.

I decided to just have her re-type the card. I tell her my name again, even slower than before. R-O-A-C-H. No B. Just 5 letters. No B at the beginning. Yes, just like the bug. Yes, just like a spliff. Did I mention, no B? Ok, cool. Just making sure.

She promises me that she got it right, and tells me to head back to the desk again. I wait another minute. The guy at the badge counter now recognizes me. He gives me a “What the hell are you doing here again?” look as I wait for him to call my name. He finally does. He doesn’t even hand me the card this time. He just left it on the table once he was done putting it together. I can’t blame him really. To him, I’m just some creepy older guy who shouldn’t even be in this room unless I had brought kids with me, which I clearly hadn’t.

I don’t really dwell on that though. All of my concern is focused on the little plastic card on the table. Did they spell it right? Am I going to have to scream at someone if it’s not right? With slightly trembling hands, I pick up the card from the table and turn it over.

I’ll be honest here, I think I let out a small “Woohoo!” I take no shame in admitting that. It was a pain in the ass to get, but it was now in my possession. I had a Cobra Employee Card. Deep down inside, 8-year-old pat was dancing like a madman.

Yes, it’s just a stupid little gimmicky piece of plastic. Yes, it probably cost Hasbro about .005 cents to make this thing. Yes, I should probably grow up a bit (ok, maybe a lot). I don’t care. I have a Cobra Employee Card, and it’s every bit as fucking awesome as I ever hoped it could be.

As I walked out of there, I made sure to securely attach my ID card to my belt. I wanted to proudly wear this thing for the rest of con. Yes, I even wore it the next day on Saturday too. When I got home, I made sure to put it somewhere proper. It now sits on my bookshelf, right next to my Cobra Commander (in a suit at a podium) figure and my Sgt. Slaughter figure with a WWF World Heavyweight Title belt.

Best . . . Con . . . promotion . . . ever!

The Call Of Cthulhu In Under Two Minutes

Even if you've never read any of HP Lovecraft's works; if you've ever been to any sort of convention or if you describe your self as a geek/nerd, chances are pretty good that you've seen the name Cthulhu somewhere. You may even associate that name with a big, scary, squid looking head.

Who, or what is Cthulhu though? Well, read the book The Call of Cthulhu and find out.

What's that you say? You're far too lazy to read a short story that is only about 40 pages long? Ok, fine. Be that way you lazy bastards. In that case, watch the above video, which summarizes the plot of The Call Of Cthulhu in under two minutes. Hopefully, that isn't too long a time for your ADD addled brain to deal with.

There, now you know Cthulhu. May you spend the rest of your life in fear now, like the rest of us.

So Sad, So Horribly True

I really wish I could argue against this infographic, which explains how all good TV shows ever eventually go bad, but it's so completely true that I can't argue against it.

Every show that I can think of, all of my most beloved shows, fit perfectly into this chart. Well, with one exception I guess. Doctor Who. The only reason that show gets around this truth is that they have a built in plot device in which the entire cast of the show can change every few years, thus enabling literally limitless storytelling. No other show is so lucky.

Her Universe

By Christina Castillo

Every year one of my biggest complaints at San Diego Comic Con besides the massive crowds , long lines and for the second year in a row I missed the Big Bang Theory panel is the lack of good fitting female t-shirts. Now don’t get me wrong, there are a ton more than there ever used to be and StylinOnline.com has a vast array of female styles with their four locations on the Comic Con floor. However, what I have come to find is that when I go to some of the other vendors, usually some of the smaller vendors, all of the t-shirts with the designs I want do not have female counterparts. Now they usually have a tiny selection, so they don’t completely leave us females out but I cannot tell you how many times a vendor lost out on my money because they didn’t include girl styles. I do admit that there were a few t-shirts that were just too awesome to pass up, so I ended up getting them anyway, but therein lies my frustration.

So that is why I was so excited to stumble upon Her Universe by complete accident as I was walking the Comic Con floor. Started by Ashley Eckstein, voice of Ahsoka Tano in Star Wars: The Clone Wars and The Araca Group, it is a site geared towards creating merchandise for the female sci-fi/fantasy fan, because if SDCC has taught us anything through the years it is that we do exist! Now they are just starting out so the selection of merchandise is slim at the moment, but they were lucky enough to get a license to create Star Wars inspired designs and it sounds like they are planning to acquire other license agreements down the line and expand and believe me I will be checking the site frequently so I can spend more of my hard earned money on a worthy cause!

So, if you are a geek girl that appreciates apparel made just for us or if you want to get an awesome gift for the geek girl in your life or if you just like to support us geek girls in the pursuit of all things geek I urge you to check out Her Universe both online and on the convention floor. Because come on…who can resist a sexy looking geek girl?! Her Universe will be attending Star Wars Celebration V, Chicago Comic Con and Dragon Con in the coming months and I am sure we will probably see them at next year’s WonderCon and in San Diego. Can’t wait!

Pat's Adventures At Comic Con 2010 - Part 3

Saturday morning, I got up super early because I was a man on a mission. For the last three years now, I’ve participated in a scavenger hunt that is put on by the Peanuts booth (as in Charlie Brown and Snoopy). Every day during con, they give away free tote bags to the first 50 people that complete a scavenger hunt across the Comic Con floor. I’ve gotten bags every year since they started doing this, so I wasn’t about to miss out now.

I got to the floor at 9am and waited impatiently for the doors to open at 9:30. As soon as I was let in, I fast walked (there’s no running allowed at Con) as quickly as I could to the booth. I got my scavenger hunt sheet, which required me to acquire four signatures from different booths all around the floor. I once again busted ass (while still walking) to the different booths and got my four needed signatures. Along the way, for being such an early bird, the guy at the second booth was kind enough to award me with these sweet buttons for free.

Once all of the signatures were gotten, I bee-lined my way back to the Peanuts booth, where I found that I was the 5th person that day to complete the quest. I had attained my prize.

I couldn’t help but think though? 5th? Really? I checked my watch, it was only 9:35. How in the hell did four people finish this thing ahead of me? I was one of the first people on the floor. Who are these ninja scavenger hunters? I must be wary of them in the years ahead. Their skills are impressive indeed, but they will fall to the power of my Comic Con Kung Fu.

With the free bag safely in my possession, I looked around and noticed something strange. The hall was relatively empty. I had gotten there so early on Saturday that the giant crowds hadn’t arrived yet. I immediately realized the potential here. I could now, finally, head over to the huge movie studio booths and not suddenly find myself trapped in a vast sea of unwashed, smelly con attendees.

My first stop was the Warner Brothers booth. It was probably the biggest booth on the floor, and it was tucked in a back corner of the convention hall. For the last two days, even trying to get near this thing was damned near impossible. At the moment I got there though, it was dead. I had full access to the place, and I am so happy I did, because that was when I came across this.

This, my dear friends, is the wounded corpse of Abin Sur, as he will be appearing in the upcoming Green Lantern movie starring Ryan Reynolds. For those of you who aren’t up on your Green Lantern Lore, this is the alien that gives Hal Jordan the Green Lantern Ring. This corpse is a huge part of the Hal’s hero origin story. To stumble across it on the floor of con was pretty damned awesome.

But that’s not all. The Warner Brothers booth also had this weird display case filled with things from the new Harry Potter film. In the early morning hour we were in, it took my sleep deprived brain a few seconds to realize what I was looking at. Maybe you can figure it out faster than I did.

Yeah, those are the seven Horcruxes that need to be destroyed so that Lord Voldemort can be killed. I’m sure for you non Harry Potter fans out there, those are just a bunch of random crap, but to a Potter fan like I am, getting to see those all together in a nice little display case was pretty fucking epic.

As the hall finally started to fill up, I had to leave the WB booth as wave after wave of raging fanboys and fangirls began to fill the place up. I meandered back over to the Marvel booth. It was Saturday after all, and I was still dying to know what was going on behind those giant golden doors. When I got there though, the doors were still shut.

“Bummer!” I thought, and I began to head off. Not even 15 seconds later though, as I’ve left sight of the doors themselves, I hear a collective gasp from the crowd. I turn around and see everyone looking at the Marvel booth. Hands are flying to cameras, flashes are going off like crazy, and people from all around are joining a quickly growing mob to see what all the fuss was about.

In my eternally amazingly bad timing, I had missed the big reveal by just seconds. I ran back into the mob, got within sight of the doors, and this is what I saw.

If you’ve never read a Thor comic before, let me explain. That is The Destroyer. He’s a giant suit of enchanted armor. Forged by Odin himself. He’s super powerful and can pretty much kill gods if he wants to. In the Thor movie, he will be unleashed by Loki against Thor at some point. To use a Buffy-ism, he’s one of the Big Bad’s of the film. Marvel had just announced to the world who one of the main villains of the Thor movie would be, and there was much rejoicing. Yay!

After that, my Comic Con experience started winding down. I was exhausted. I’d been walking for pretty much three days straight. I had spent a ton of money on comics and shirts and whatnot. I had a giant stash of free stuff I’d gotten along the way. To put it simply, I was spent. I did manage to walk the floor a little bit more, and take some more pics, but shortly after the big Destroyer reveal, I decided I had enjoyed myself enough. I headed out of the convention center one last time and was about to board the Trolley when I noticed these signs at the Gaslamp station.

Those are the San Diego trolley signs . . . . written in Klingon.

Have I mentioned before how much I love the fact that Comic Con has spread out into all of Downtown SD yet? I have? Well, let me say it again. It’s little things like this that make Comic Con the best damned nerd convention in the world. Where else but Comic Con would the city hosting the event allow their own public transportation signs to be covered in Klingon script?

You rock San Diego. I take back everything I said about hoping that the convention moves somewhere else. I don’t care about the giant crowds anymore. If the Con leaves SD, it’ll probably lose awesome little bits like this that make it what it is.

I can’t wait for next year. I’m already starting to save up for a hotel.